Well, I’ve wrapped up another issue (yippee!!!!). I’m not doing a separate “What Oprah Knows For Sure” entry because Oprah doesn’t talk about beauty in the beauty issue. Maybe Oprah feels ugly. Maybe she doesn’t feel like she knows something about beauty for sure. What she does know is that when she was in Krakow visiting Auschwitz with Elie Wiesel, she realized that all of life is extraordinary. “There are no ordinary moments.” The whole Auschwitz experience made her feel sad for the Holocaust but also made her happy and long to be alive.

Beautiful thoughts, yes, but it was a bit of a jolt to read them at the end of the Beauty issue. I liked the fact that the magazine tried to get you to change your thinking about beauty without the pat stories about beauty being from within. It was a very non-cliched issue that opened up my eyes to the way we’ve been conditioned to think about beauty and to think about how beautiful or not beautiful we are.

I remember when I was high school age, I used to sit and look at myself in the mirror and tell myself I was beautiful and some guy would eventually see that and think I was beautiful. I went to a school with a lot of Dutch people, many of whom had blond hair and blue eyes. I looked a little bit different–not overly so, but I wasn’t a looker. Telling myself I was pretty though I think had a decent effect on me because I don’t really buy into the idea that a serum will make me look better–maybe it will enhance my already stunning beauty, but it’s not going to cure anything.

Like many women, I’ve been able to beat myself up about who I am or am not. I compare myself to others all too often, and I focus on that stupidity rather than become excellent on my own. Accepting my own beauty is at least was step in the right direction of being a better person.

The beauty-themed articles in the April 2006 O are useful.  Several pages are short stories from people who have had body issues but have learned to get over them and love the “imperfection.”  I always enjoy reading personal stories.

“Beauty and the Bitch” talks about your inner voice, the one that doesn’t allow you to like your looks.  Some startling sentences:

“Psychologists call it normative discontent:  It’s considered normal for women to be unhappy with the way we look.  Follow this line of thinking:  If it’s normal, then for us to fulfill our role as women, we’re supposed to be displeased with our appearance.”

It’s sad that we’re sent so many mixed messages.  Women are supposed to be beautiful (or adhere to an impossible standard of beauty that’s only obtainable with an airbrush), and if we don’t feel like we are pretty, we just knock ourselves down.  We should try to see ourselves through “kinder eyes” and realize that our outer shells aren’t the only things that matter.

A sidebar gives five tips on “things you should never do if you want to feel beautiful”:

1. Only use a magnifying mirror if you’re tweezing your brows.  If you can’t see it with the naked eye, you don’t need to worry about it.  Also, magnifying can make you think you have problems that aren’t really there.  The example they give is collagen-injected lips.  Of course your lips look small in a magnifying mirror!
2. The lighting in the bathroom should be face-friendly.  No fluorescent bulbs!
3. “Don’t participate in any kind of skin analysis that involves a machine.”  It’s a machine usually tied to a cosmetics counter.  Like they’ll never try to sell you something.
4. “Avoid being lit from below.”  It’s unflattering.
5. Stop comparing yourself to a magazine cover!  They have people (and airbrushing) to make them look good.  You’re the only person helping you get ready in the morning.

The last part of the beauty section that I found interesting (there are other articles–the beautiful person who had mental problems, the spread of mixed ethnicity people and how the blending of genetics create a new definition of beautiful) is an article by Martha Beck, who’s one of the standard contributors to the magazine.  She discusses the idea of self-acceptance, to not be so hinged on your looks that you think people won’t like you because of them.  Beautiful people aren’t always the nicest and not having beauty doesn’t mean you’re subject to a horrible life.  If you learn to accept yourself, you’ll be a more attractive person personality-wise, and that will attract all sorts of good things!

In the April 2006 issue, there’s a fashion spread that was shot in Africa.  It seems only fitting that the “Breathing Space” photo comes from there as well.  This shot is along the River Kwai in Botswana at sunset.  A few trees are scattered around the landscape, and those that are near the banks of the river are reflected in the calm water.  The sky is a gorgeous purplish-pink, and the glowing orange sun is hanging onto the last moments of the day.  It’s simple and stunning, the trees calming in their glory.  The caption states that flocks of wild birds call during this time of day, which is something to imagine–though I actually prefer not to because the contrasting noises just seem like they’d be a cacaphony of sound that distracts me from the calming scene.

Here’s a useful beauty article that debunks 12 popular beauty myths.  With each one there’s a bit of explanation, but the main thing to remember is don’t believe them:

1. “Eighty percent of your lifetime sun damage occurs before age 18.” (nope!  only 23%!)
2. If you’re sleep deprived, you’ll get dark circles under your eyes.  (apparently that’s genetics)
3. You can get glossier hair if you brush it 100 times a day. (that will stress the cuticle and cause damage)
4. Dry skin causes wrinkles. (nope–”Wrinkles form when collagen begins to break down in the dermis.”)
5. Take Vitamin E to prevent scars.
6. You can hydrate your skin by drinking a lot of water. (nope–skin hydration is a result of environment + age and can only be hydrated from the outside with moisturizer)
7. Splashing cold water or strong astrigent on your face will reduce pores. (nope–this too is genetic)
8. Hair and nails will grow faster if you take nutritional supplements.
9. If you cross your legs, you’ll get varicose veins.  (nope–they’re caused by pregnancy, being on your feet for too long, and everyone’s favorite:  genetics)
10. Don’t eat greasy food or chocolate because your skin will break out.  (surprisingly, sushi and shellfish may worsen acne because they contain a lot of iodine)
11. Don’t pluck gray hairs because more will grow back.  (nope–one follicle produces one strand of hair)
12. Apply face cream using upward strokes so your skin won’t sag.  (it’s all about gravity, baby.  You can’t do anything about that)

One feature I think I’ll still continue to comment on is The O List. I know I probably get a little snarky about it, but since I don’t have much money, it makes me feel better to say, “You paid how much for that???” However, I’m sure that if I had Oprah’s money, I wouldn’t really think about how much stuff really cost either. A pair of $500 shoes? No big deal! Ah, the spectrum of wealth, no?

Anyway, here’s this month’s list:

• Waterproof loafers from Tamara Henriques: $75
• Blue suede bag from Lucky Brand Jeans: $168 (no longer at their website)
• Carafe and cup set from Design Within Reach: $62 (no longer at their website)
• Sweet & Salted nuts from Fortunuts: $10 for 5 oz. of walnuts, $7 for 2 oz. of pecans)
• Onesie in a Can from Love, Me: $20
• Sally Russell polka-dot napkins and platter: $26 for four napkins, $90 for platter (though if you click the link, they’re actually $70 now)
• Together Book photo album: $30 a book, $25 for optional text stamping, $40 for slipcase
• Clothes hangers that bend: $17 for eight
• Huge printed rubber bands: $7 for two
• Fish shaped dishes by Vietri: $23 for small plate, $27 for bowl, $32 for luncheon plate

If you bought everything, it would run you $659 ($683.79 in today’s dollars).

In April 2006, O still published the “Something to Think About” questions, so I’ll keep doing them, simply because they do force me to examine myself, no matter if I like it or not.

1. “How much time and money do  you spend each week on your appearance?  Is it more than you spend on your inner life?  Is this how you want to allot your resources and attention?“  I don’t know how you feel about this question, but it really comes off as being a bit snarky.  Um, how many pages does the magazine devote each month to selling me products to benefit my appearance?  Plus, it sounds like if you spend time on your appearance, that’s a bad thing, a waste of time.  It’s ironic to have this question thrown at me, almost accusatorially, when–not in this issue, but you get my drift–they’ll have an article about how to dress professionally for work.   But, if you want me to answer it, I don’t spend a ton of time on my appearance.  I rarely wear makeup.  I have an easy-to-groom hairstyle (and my hair isn’t all that difficult).  I do exercise a fair amount (30 min-1 hour 5-6 days/week), which is part of the “appearance” and yes, exercising is how I want to allot my resources and attention, thankyouverymuch.
2. “What do you think has–or hasn’t–happened to you because of your physical appearance?  What do you imagine would change about your life if you looked different?  What would it take for you to feel good about yourself the way you are now?” What’s happened is that my wedding photos aren’t that great because I was a lot heavier, but that’s the way it was.  I don’t really imagine my life looking different because I’d hope I wouldn’t let my looks define me.  Maybe I didn’t date as much because of my looks, but that turned out OK in the end, and I’m extremely happy with my husband.  I do feel fairly good about myself the way I am now (a few random compliments throughout the years have really helped)–I do need to lose more weight, but that’s work in progress that’s going fairly slowly, but it’s going the way I want it to.

I wonder if this set of questions led to the downfall.  Really, really lousy questions, in my opinion.

O features articles by some good writers.  Anne Lamott pops up a lot, and I love her writing.  I’m always happy when I come to a piece by her.  However, “My Dinner With Marion” (vol. 7 iss. 4) by Patricia Volk is incredibly funny and is really one of the best magazine pieces I’ve read in a while.

Volk grew up in a restaurant family and loves food.  Marion is Marion Nestle, a nutritionist.  It’s a better pairing than the Odd Couple.  Volk has three meals with Nestle, and they also visit a grocery store.  The rundown of the day is a delightful read.  Nestle never eats breakfast (“Excuse me?  A nutritionist skips the most important meal of the day?”) because she’s not hungry when she gets up (apparently she has the nerves of steel when it comes to eating and eats only when hungry).

Surprisingly, she does order oatmeal when the two dine at the Four Seasons in New York City.  “‘I’ve got to see what the $16 oatmeal is like,’ she says.”  Once it arrives, she looks at the bowl and divides the oatmeal into four parts, each of which equal a portion.  “‘That’s a portion,’ she says.”

“‘Does it taste like $16?’”

“‘It tastes like oatmeal,’ she says.”

She goes on to critique Volk’s big breakfast, wondering why, if Volk ordered an egg-white omelet, she got cheese on it.  Volk’s reply is that the cheese cancels out the egg yolks, so it’s OK.  That doesn’t really fly.  Volk also learns that burned food (i.e.–burned bacon) doesn’t have less calories.

Throughout the day, Nestle walks everywhere, admits that she never craves food, and only gained 10 pounds when she was pregnant.  She doesn’t seem human.

The food tips you learn in the article are that you don’t have to eat produce that’s only in season.  Baby carrots are cut down from huge carrots.  Wash your bagged leafy greens, even if they’ve been washed.  Drink organic milk because that doesn’t have rBST hormones in it.  You don’t have to graze; in fact, maybe six small meals aren’t better than three.  Studies have shown that the more often you eat, the more calories you may take in with each of those “meals.” She also doesn’t do vitamins or supplements.  “Just eat a balanced diet,” she says.  “Nutrition takes care of itself.”

Through these and other useful tips, Volk starts learning that portion sizes in America are just huge, and that part of the battle is making sure you don’t eat all that’s served to you in a restaurant.  And also that bad habits can be difficult to break, but you can do them.  All it takes is small changes.

I really really loved reading this article.  Volk captured the mood so well and really was able to drive home some good messages about nutrition.

I can relate to only one of the three Dr. Phil questions in the April 2006 issue:  How do I stop comparing myself to my sisters and their idea of what success is? (the other two questions are:  My 10-yr-old steals things from her friends, and I don’t want to be pals with my husband’s ex-wife)

Dr. Phil advises that he hopes the writer is happy for her sisters in their endeavors and that as an adult, the sibling rivalry should be behind you (though really, if that was easy to do, a lot of therapists would be out of work.  I mean, are you supposed to be able to flip a switch at 18 and say you’re over it?  I get what he’s saying, but I bet for some people it’s much easier said than done).  Even if they don’t get behind you, you should be happy for them (“…the purest love we can ever have is for our family.”  I wonder if the opposite is also true for the ultra-dysfunctional families).

That said, because the writer feels “unworthy,” she’s obviously not accepting herself and her talents and her choices in life.  The writer’s sisters are in medicine, she’s a teacher.  That doesn’t mean the sisters are any better–everyone’s different, we all have different talents, and we’re all worthy.  If the writer is measuring her life solely by what her sisters think, she’s “giving [her] power away.  Don’t use their yardstick to measure your worth.”  If the writer is passionate about teaching, she should be happy with her choice.

This question’s interesting to me because I think a lot of us try to measure up with our friends and relatives.  She/he has this/that.  I don’t.  I feel bad.  I’ve felt this way a lot–have been working on being comfortable with my own road.  The thing is that it’s a little difficult to deal with the fact that everyone’s life is different and that no matter what, your life is your own, and that concept can be a little lonely.  Even if you’re married, your spouse has his/her own life too, and even though you share a lot, you’re still going through life on your own.

That idea can be empowering–you can do life the way nobody else has!  It can be scary–am I doing this right?  Although it’s fun to forge my own way, I still often I feel like I need approval from others in the “am I doing this right” category.  I shouldn’t try to measure up to their definition of “right,” but it really can be difficult not to.

Here we go with the first beauty issue–O Magazine April 2006. As Oprah explains in the “Here We Go!” column, the question they want you to answer is, “Do you like the way you look?” I think they want you to get to, “Yes, I do.” After all, this magazine is about accepting yourself.

But if you don’t like your appearance, don’t look to the calendar for help. Yes, the calendar is still in the issue, but instead of giving you tasks to do throughout the month, there are just self-affirmations riddled among the quotes. It’s a little Stuart Smalley, with things like “Lotions and potions are just frosting on the cake. If you don’t feel gorgeous in your soul, that’s where your makeover should begin.” OK, so now what, geniuses?

So far, I’m not enthralled with the issue. I wonder if that’s why it took them about seven years to tackle the topic.