Done with issue 3!  I didn’t blog about a few things I want to mention:  The fashion spread that included the poncho (oh, the poncho trend!  I never got into that one, but that was a big hit for a year or so).  The picture and blurb about Marion Jones (who, after winning many gold medals at the Olympics in Sydney, was found to have doped) where she says she wants to be the best.  The article about body image that totally disappointed me because the title was “Do You Worry About Measuring Up?” and the teaser paragraph talks about the desire for greener grass…and the article was about body image (with a little bit of workaholism in there, but it’s mostly body image).  I thought it would be about trying to keep up with the Joneses a little bit more than it was.

I also skipped talking about a really well-written article about Oprah’s Spa Girls (a group at Harpo who formed an exercise group).  I’m working on the weight thing in my own way, so I don’t really look to these articles for advice.  But this one was about deciding to run a half-marathon, and it’s pretty honest and candid about the ups and downs of staying motivated.

But, overall, whew!  I’m done with another issue.  I have a lot to think about in making sure the thoughts I generate are better and that with a better attitude I can make what I believe to be true about myself into a reality.  Can I trust myself to do so?  We’ll learn how–next issue is all about that!

Oprah’s last-page column hits hard:  You become what you believe–not what you wish or want but what you truly believe.  Wherever you are in life, look at your beliefs.  They put you there.

That’s strong stuff.  She illustrates it with a few examples like never believing that she would be stuck struggling to maintain a house (or be poor), and also that words from her father helped her believe she’d always be heavy.  She’s working on that last one.  It’s nice to know that she’s working on stuff too.

What do I believe about me?  That I am a good writer.  That I am smart and curious.  That I like to see how other people live.  That I feel about 8 years younger than I am.  Also that I’m a bit of a thin-skinned hot head and chunky.  That I need to slow down and breathe and plan and be confident in my abilities.

This month’s “Breathing Space” feature is a wicker rocking chair on a porch of a farmhouse.  You’re looking past some flowers onto a lush green lawn and then into a wheat field.  It’s a nice picture.

I’m trying to picture myself here “gently rocking in this chair, listening to the sounds of nature–and to your own thoughts,” but when I do that, I get totally annoyed by the wicker creaking underneath me as I rock.

I wanted to talk about this month’s Oprah interview because Martha Stewart is another person who wants to help you–not so much self-help, as much as helping with practical things like entertaining and cooking.  It’s also pre-jail Martha, which is kind of interesting as well.  She does mention a couple of times how she’s responsible for 500 employees and her shareholders, which is interesting, given that her legal problems did hurt the company for a little while.   She also felt during this interview that she got picked on less than she used to.  Just wait until people start harping on your Birkin bag, Martha!

People sometimes ask me if I like Martha too.  I’m not a huge Martha person.  Oh, I think she does amazing things, is smart, and has built up a great business, but I don’t click with Martha.  Also, my mother is like Martha Stewart–she does an amazing amount of creative and clever things (without the staff to help), and I just don’t think I can keep up the standard….nor am I sure I want to.

Anyway, Martha says she was trained to be productive.  This may be why people ask me if I like Martha.  I do do a lot of stuff (sometimes too much), but I like being productive too.

What I don’t like about Martha comes out in this interview.  She says she’s a “maniacal perfectionist.” I remember when Martha first became really popular, and women were beating them up to be just like her (sans staff, which is always something I keep in mind).  I just don’t want to put that pressure on my life.  I want things to be great.  I want to produce good writing.  But I don’t want to kill myself on getting something perfect.  Of course, mastering something is a great accomplishment, but being perfect isn’t achievable 100% of the time.  I’m human, you know.

Martha, of course, thinks being a perfectionist is good because you can then equate perfection with profits.  She also says that perfectionism is acceptable today (or in 2000) I’m not sure that’s the right way to think.   Demanding excellence can lead to profits too, and that doesn’t put on the added pressure of being perfect.

Martha also answers the question, “Martha, can a woman have it all?” by saying, “I think so.  Definitely.”  This answer also bothers me because the simplicity of it implies that if you’re not having it all, you should be.  It doesn’t say anything about give and take, or having it all but at different times.  Maybe I’m wrong though–maybe in 20 years I will have it all.

I do like that Martha’s a bit more human in this interview.  She cries, she cares about problems in the world (is upset that she can’t fix them too).  I love the fact that she made a deal with K-mart to sell her line of housewares because she rightly realized that not everyone can afford expensive things, but everyone deserved good quality.  It’s also smart thinking because there are a heck of a lot more people with lower incomes than there are super-rich people.  Heck, I’ve bought her stuff–I still have a Martha Stewart comforter on my bed.

Martha’s use of the word “perfect” really bothers me, but I like the fact that she demands great things of herself, her employees, and her viewers.  She does try to give us tools and knowledge to live better, and that’s pretty admirable.  Although I don’t really tune into any of her media products, it’s nice to know that they’re there, so if I do want to be better in this aspect of living, I can.  [but maybe I won't blog about me fixing that part of my life]

A fairly long list of Oprah’s favorites this month:

• Bellacqua handblown glass votives: $110
• The Parent’s Tao Te Ching: $14
• Tommy Hilfiger quilts: from $165
• Handmade dolls by Cozbi A Cabrera: from $750
• Waterman pen: rollerball, $90; fountain, $120
• Felissimo journal: from $83
• Good Home Company’s grass-scented Laundry Fragrance: $18
• Good Health’s Olive Oil Potato Chips: from $3.50
• Tark’r leatherette pants: $195
• La Mer body serum: $150
• Serendipitea–Magnolia tea, $10; ginger molasses biscuits, $14
• George Winston album: $17
• Ralph Lauren red boots: $525

Grand total: $2264.50 (if you bought both pens) ($2585.83 today)

Whoa. Wow. That’s a load of money. I do like that Oprah admits the Ralph Lauren boots cost as much as the down payment on her first car, but overall, I’m just stunned by the total. I know there’s some “cheap” stuff in there, but how big is the bag of potato chips? I look at that and think, “Well, those sound good. I might try them.” But I know that if I got to the store, and it was $3.50 for a 1-2 serving bag, I wouldn’t buy it.

I’d buy the book though. There’s always money for books (I see where my priorities lie)!

I do know that there’s hopefully something in here for everyone, and that you’re not meant to buy the entire list (I’m not into collectible dolls, so there’s no worries of me buying that).  I just think it’s interesting to add it all up.

Every issue has these postcards you can tear out and put somewhere handy–nice thoughts that you can dwell on whenever you need to.  I haven’t talked about them yet because I either haven’t felt moved by the quotes or felt the need to expound on them.

Quotations are interesting–they can be really inspirational, but they can also be taken out of context.  I know Oprah’s got a big collection of quotations, but sometimes I feel if I start collecting them myself, I’ll just get overwhelmed–not only by the amount of random scraps of paper I’d collect, but also by a mish-mash of quotes that would need to be organized.  I can’t even get years of photos in order, so what would I do with quotes?  I do like to see them though–I can get a little inspiration and then go about my day.

This month, the four pull-out quotes are from Ron Rathbun and his book The Way is Within.  On one side is a thought, and then the backside explores that thought a little more.  My favorite of the four is, “You are what you think you are!  What do you think you are?”  On the back it says, “You create your thoughts, and your thoughts create your life.  Do you like what you have created?  Contemplate yourself each day and you will unravel the mystery of not only what you are but who you are.”

I like to think I know myself a fair amount, but I think I need to undo a good amount of crappy attributes about me–or crappy thoughts I have.  I like this quote because it uses the word “create,” and I’m trying to find a life in a creative world.  Create is a magical word to me because it has endless possibilities.  Perhaps the me I can create will have endless possibilities too!

I like Oprah because on some levels I can relate to her–or I feel that she can relate to me.  I like the fact that I know she’s human, and she’s willing to admit her flaws in front of millions.  She constantly says that she’s a work in progress, and I’m like that too.  I don’t understand why we tend to put celebrities (or royalty, or world leaders) up on these pedestals, as if they are perfect.  Understanding that they’re human and have flaws and make mistakes and do stupid things is comforting to me.  It lets me know that I can be successful without having to be perfect.

In this month’s “Let’s Talk” column, Oprah talks about “the a-ha lightbulb moment” in her life.  She said it was when she “figured out that my thoughts control my whole life–that no matter what hadn life deals me, I can always choose my response to it.”  She continues, “We are each responsible for our lives and, more important, the thought that create them.  If you want your life to be more rewarding, you have to change the way you think.”  She goes on to talk about how she felt she had to control everything.  Once she let up and “let people be,” things got better and life was more enjoyable.

She also talks about changing the way she thought about her job.  She switched from thinking it was a “job” and she was the “talent” and instead tried to think of television as a vehicle for expressing herself and topics she felt needed to be discussed.  And hey, her work life became a passion.

I come from a controlling background.  I remember asking a friend who got married much earlier than I did how she dealt with things like which way the toilet paper hung or if the towels were folded correctly.  She told me that stuff didn’t matter.  I couldn’t understand how that was possible until years later, when I was in my own relationship and realized that it was a partnership–not me doing all the work, dictating how things were to be done, and then being miserable about it.  It makes that aspect of life much easier.

One of the harder thought patterns I personally have to deal with is discouragement.  I tend to get down on myself a lot.  Is that because I’m fishing for a compliment?  Trying to put myself down so that I won’t even try?  Paint myself into a little box?  It’s something I’ve got to work on.  I’ll keep you posted on how it goes.

I forgot to take a look at this month’s calendar before I dove into Dr. Phil and Suze Orman. I suppose old habits die hard–whenever the magazine arrived, I’d read their columns first, then put the magazine away to read later (I didn’t realize it would be almost eight years later). So let me backpedal a bit and look at the calendar.

This month the magazine tries to help you “know the power of your thoughts.” I actually think the “know” part of this is important.  To me, it’s the “baby-step” approach:  If you want to change how you think, you need to be aware of how you’re thinking in the first place.  Otherwise you won’t be able to make any sustainable changes.

In the calendar, there are seven different activities to do during the month to help you along this path.  They ask you to understand the power of words and pay attention to how you use them.  Pay attention to the effect your words have. It’s kind of the “think before you speak” saying, which is what I think they might be going for.

Next, you should work on replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and the exercise here is to take a negative thought that you often have, write it down, and then write its opposite.  Take that positive thought and start thinking it instead of the negative one you use.  This one I try to do–when I can remember it.  When I’m having a bad day and am pretty down on myself, it is really hard to try to pull myself up, but I hope that somehow changing the thoughts will keep me from going to that bad place.

Some things to do are simple:  Think about someone you love and send them some positive vibes.  If you’ve got a good idea, put it into action.  Those to me seem fairly easy to do–or they don’t really force me to change myself, which is nice.  “Recall a time when you felt unfairly treated.  Ask yourself:  What did I do to create that circumstance?  Did I trust foolishly?  Did I fail to ask for what I wanted?”  That’s a bit more difficult.  I think that this one is more about not letting yourself get walked on.  If you’re a pushover, you’ll get taken advantage of.  That’s not to say you need to be aggressive, but you do need to stand up for yourself.  I’m working on that, and there are times where I’m successful, but boy, does it feel weird to not be complacent and say, “Yes, whatever you want is fine with me.”

The last two thoughts are tied together somewhat.  One is, “Notice how your mind works.  What preoccupies you?  What do you avoid?  How much time do you focus on yourself?  How often do you think of others?”  As much as I love to write, I tend to procrastinate actually sitting down and doing it.   I let myself get preoccupied by chores and television and other random thoughts.  I think about others a lot–actually, I make assumptions about others a lot.  Then I fixate on these assumptions and let those take over instead of focusing on what I want to do and taking care of a goal.  I know that’s stupid–I know it.  I’ve got to learn how to just sit down and get things done, writing-wise (actually, it would help if I read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which Diane Sawyer talks about in the favorite books section this issue.  It’s about writing and basically tells you to take things step-by-step.  I have it on my shelf–started reading it a couple of years ago and never finished it), and I can’t let my assumptions take hold of me.

The last idea distinguishes between thoughts that lift you up and drag you down, and it tells you to notice the two types.  This week I’ve had both types–I couldn’t tell you specifics…well, I got an idea for an article or two that I think would sell, and that made me happy.  Sitting down and doing the work of selling the idea…that’s weighing me down a bit, but I think if I tell myself that I can do it, I’ll succeed.

Is it bad that I’m relieved there are only two questions in the “Something to Think About” feature this issue?  In terms of this month’s theme, the power of thought, I’m not having an easy time.  The other day was rough for me–lots of negative thoughts about being able to write, being able to get published, being able to earn money for the household.  So I got frustrated with other people instead of trying to fix myself.  Luckily, I don’t tell them what I’m thinking (I’d lose many a friend that way) because ultimately they aren’t the real problem.  The real problem is myself.  I let negative thoughts tumble around in my brain and take over.  This happens far too often, and if I let it continue, it could be my downfall.  Something for me to think about while I answer this month’s questions:

When you focus your thoughts, they have more power.  What one thought would you like to hold in your mind this month?

The one thought I can keep in my is focus on producing some work.  I have a horrible problem with focusing, so that’s what I’m trying to work on.  If you remember my post on setting goals, I want to try to create a body of work, then try to sell it (though in this case, it’s finish the Oprah Project).  I feel pressure–mostly internally created, though I think once we get through the first month of one income, it may be easier–to bring in some money, so there’s this constant frenzied thinking in my brain of, “WhatcanIsell?  WhatcanIsell?  Produce!  Sell!”  I don’t feel like I can slow down and breathe and just write.

I’m going to have to learn how to sell more work sooner, rather than later, that’s true.  But to think, “HowamIgoingtodothis?” all the time just paralyzes me, and that’s just not good.

Anyway, I need to focus on writing.  Perhaps I should schedule one day a week to look at my ideas and make pitches, and use the other four to concentrate on the product.  Let me see how that works, because that just might be a decent plan.

Your own thoughts can trap you and undermine your potential.  What unhealthy thought patterns would you like to examine and unravel?

Well, I think I mostly answered this one above.  However, I’ve got to work on some of the personal thoughts.  I would like to grow a thicker skin (how?  I’m not sure how you do that, but I’ll figure it out).  I would like to stop obsessing about other people’s lives and wonder why they do what they do.  They’ve got their lives, I’ve got mine.  I’m sure I do plenty of annoying things too.  I just need to enjoy my friends whenever I can and live my own life.

Sometimes it’s hard to keep in mind that everyone’s life is different, and although you’ll have people come and go, and even though you always have family, you alone live your own life.  You’re responsible for your own choices and making sure you’re doing what you’re supposed to do with the gifts you’re given.  That concept really scares me sometimes.  I just can’t let that thought overtake everything else and stop me from going forward.

Suze Orman is back on her crusade to rid people from debt. I’ve talked about my own personal debt issues: I had debt–paid it off–currently have no debt and a hell of a lot less worry. It’s weird to think of what few bills the Boy and I have:

• rent
• phone/internet
• electric
• my credit card (I have some monthly charges–like hosting for my other website and car sharing, if we use a car that month–and then I will make big purchases on the card, but it gets paid off in full)
• his credit card (usually one, sometimes two, but again, no debt)
• his student loans (2)
• public transportation cards (which come out of his paycheck)
• donation to church

We don’t have cable; we don’t have a mortgage/taxes; we don’t have to pay for heat or water or a homeowner’s association; no car insurance/license plates/parking…no monthly cell phone (I do a pre-paid cell phone, and I love it)….and definitely no credit card interest.

All of this makes me breathe easier–we definitely can live on less because there’s not all of these extra demands on our income. It also makes me a little weary of the “how do I get out of debt” questions that I know will be in Suze’s column. But let’s take a deep breath and have a look at them anyway:

1. I want to own a home, but I have to improve my credit rating. I have a ton of debt on a bunch of credit cards, so what do I do? Change your priorities and think about controlling your money instead of letting it control you, i.e.–get out of debt first. Know how much you owe. Negotiate the interest rates, and then pay off the card with the highest interest rate first (and minimum payments on everything else). Repeat until out of debt. Also check your credit report regularly.
2. My kids want all the name-brand stuff, and I’m having a hard time saying no. Be honest and say you can’t afford x right now. Suze gives a nice piece of advice here: “There’s nothing shameful about not having enough money for every desirable thing.” She also suggests telling her kids that there are always going to be people richer and poorer than they are and try to help those less fortunate than them in concrete ways (say, collecting their old clothes and toys to give away or setting aside money). Oh, and when there are times you can afford the item they want, do buy it. Saying yes every once in a while will help your children figure out a sense of “material balance.”
3. My husband took all of our savings to play the stock market. I think we should take some of that money and pay off our debt. What would you do? Suze would pay off the credit card, naturally. She also says that you should never put all of your savings into the stock market. Diversify–that way if one area of investment goes down (and not that long after this, the market did tank), the others will help balance it out.  She also plugs the Roth IRA here.  If I was better at keeping exact stats, I’d do a Roth IRA count–how often does Suze mention it?
4. I live paycheck to paycheck.  My sister has a ton of money and now showers me with gifts.  It’s nice, but I’d rather have the money.  “Why is she oblivious to what my life is like?”  Again, a great Suze comeback:  You’re oblivious to your own life.  Your sister isn’t the answer to your cash flow problems, so don’t make her it.  Figure out your own financial issues and get them in order.

The Suze Sidebar is “Five Good Reasons to Use Credit Cards”:

1. You can track what you actually spend.
2. Some cards give you rewards (hooray for mileage cards!)
3. When you pay off your cards every month, it’s like getting free interest on purchases.
4. If you have a defective product, the credit card will protect you on that purchase.
5. Good for emergencies, vacations, and rental car insurance.

All good to keep in mind, with that caveat of not letting credit card debt creep into your life!