The premiere issue really does whallop you over the head with a lot of good things, which means for me a huge pile of stuff to get together. I kind of wonder how much time they took to put this issue together and if subsequent issues will be just as loaded with content. I’d think you’d want to bring your A game in the first issue, but boy, did this staff do that and more!

What I noticed is that this issue is full of articles that are 1-2 pages, and a good portion of those are things I need to work on: clutter, having less, being inspired by the everyday. By the time I got to the fluffy section–and there is a fluffy section with fashion spreads, food, beauty treatments, home decor–I was kind of overwhelmed with all of the ideas about how to fix myself. I suppose I should just breathe and explore each of them a little bit (ideally, I think you’d do this for the entire month, but I don’t have that kind of luxury with this project). Maybe write down the thoughts that help me the most and then look back on them daily/weekly and see how I’m doing.

I’m putting this in the category of “What Jill Knows for Sure” to kind of mimic the “What I Know for Sure” column that Oprah writes at the end of the issue. What I know for sure after reading this issue is that I am not perfect, I’m a work in progress, I need to focus and not please people, and I need to do my life’s calling.

Oh, and another thing I felt after reading the issue: Why have I held onto it all these years? It’s interesting and a bit useful, but not totally necessary to keep.  What a revelation!  Now I feel pretty secure that I will be able to let these magazines go at the end of this project.

The first issue (and I presume every other issue) ends with a little Oprah-authored essay called “What I Know For Sure.”  She likes this phrase–I think being sure about things is a big deal for a lot of people.  It gives you a bit of extra confidence.

In this essay, Oprah talks about happiness, and that your happiness is tied to the Golden Rule.  Basically what you do to others will come back around to you at some point.  Oprah says, “Happiness is never something you get from other people.  The happiness you feel is in direct proportion to the love you give.”

I think it’s kind of an eloquent reminder that look, if you want to be happy, examine what you’re doing with yourself and how you treat others.  Treat everyone well and with respect, and soon you’ll find that they treat you the same.  Simple, yes, but sometimes we forget the simple things and try to make life overly complex.

Another article I felt strongly about in the premiere issue was “When Less Is Really More” by Rachel Naomi Remen, M.D. It’s basically a “get rid of the clutter in your life” article, and if you put it into a little bit of historical context, I believe this was published before all the big decluttering series hit cable TV. So in that sense it’s interesting.

I have a problem with clutter and having too much stuff. My personal solution is to shove it in a drawer so that you don’t see it (too much….this is a problem if I don’t have enough drawers), but it’s overly stressful to try to shove socks back into the sock drawer or find a place on the bookshelf for yet another book I’ve brought home. I know I have a problem, and I’m working on getting rid of the stuff I really don’t need. It just takes a lot of time–I think for me, taking the same approach to weight loss would help: Do a little bit at a time, and you get used to the new habits and continue to use them. I think if I went whole hog and decluttered the house in a couple of days, I wouldn’t really learn from it. I think.

This article does have one quote that I think would be useful to remember, and the context is a woman who claims scaling back has enhanced her life:

I had no idea what was in my closets and drawers. I did not really know half the people in my phone book. I have fewer things now and know fewer people, but I am not empty. Having and experiencing are very different.

I thought this was interesting, especially in our consumption-based culture where there’s enormous pressure to constantly buy more–the economy will collapse if we don’t, for crying out loud! Still, I think if I keep this thought in mind, it may help me shed the cluttering things that are hampering my life.

A lot of the premiere issue has to do with finding your passion and doing what you want with your life. There are a couple of examples of women who have gone from fancy job or being a mom who wants a part-time job, to doing something they love. I like reading articles about this because they give me hope that I can make money with a writing career.

The problem is that setting up my writing career and getting it going takes inherently longer than it does reading an article that says x person went from point A to point B, and look! They’re doing what they love. Reality takes a lot longer than that. To be fair, the articles do say that it did take time for these people to accomplish their goals, but actually visualizing the timeline can be a bit difficult.

One helpful article to get to where you want to be is “How to Nourish Your Senses” by Katrina Kenison. This basically reminds you to stop and smell the coffee–breath, use your powers of observation, think about what you’re eating so you can really taste all the flavor, listen, smell, touch, that sort of thing. I like this article because it reminds me to slow down a little bit (whether I’m actually doing that is a different story, but…). If I take the time to really relax and enjoy the little things, I’ll be more calm and centered and be able to think about the big picture.

The problem here–and maybe this is a problem for you too–is that I can’t do this “living mindfully” all the time. Are you supposed to? Some days/moments stuff just has to get done. I don’t want to listen to the whir of the vacuum cleaner and marvel at all of the dirt that’s getting sucked into it. I just want a clean floor. Please tell me if I’m wrong here. I get that you’re supposed to have a heightened sense of awareness and enjoy using your senses, and I do enjoy those little moments I often have where I can enjoy them and be quiet and more in tune with myself. However, this article makes me feel like I’m supposed to be this mindful all the time, and I think that sort of person would be really fucking annoying.

One other article I thought would help is “The Hidden Power of Listening,” which is an article that reminds you to basically shut the fuck up and listen to other people for once. It’s written by a journalist who, when this was published, worked for Time magazine. That was actually a bit telling–a lot of journalists I’ve met are big talkers. They have to chat up sources, work the phones on cold calls to get people to talk to them, they have to get their questions answered at press conferences (which can be annoying, if the journalist HAS to ask a question and didn’t hear that it had already been asked, maybe even more than once). So I wonder, if they’re so intent on talking, why it’s hard to listen, since they have to also listen to get the story. Maybe it’s the whole “being on deadlines” mentality that hampers them a bit.

I actually like listening to people–especially strangers. Oh, I’ll talk up a blue streak with my friends, but I think I need to get to know you somewhat decently before I start talking a lot. Sometimes I think that can actually hurt me because when people ask me questions, I don’t always know what to say, or I’m vague, or I don’t let people in. I suppose that means this article didn’t help me as much as I thought it would.

The big article about this topic is “Making Your Dreams Come True: A Step-by-Step Planning Guide” by Phoebe Kest. Will this help me on my quest? Here are the steps (and what I think):

1. Excavate your true desire. Check! I want to be a paid writer. Actually, though, that’s not an altogether good enough answer. Sub-steps of this are:
   1. “Seek solitude”–so you can focus on you and be quiet enough to come up with the answer)
   2. “Keep your eyes open–you never know where inspiration will strike” This is not so much an issue for me, as I’ve wanted to be a writer for a long time, but if you have some vague dissatisfaction that you aren’t doing what you’re supposed to be doing with your life, I think this would help.
   3. “Commit your dream to paper” Check!
   4. “Ask yourself some questions” This is about examining your motives for doing something and making sure it’s what you want to do, not because everyone else is doing it, or it’s what others expect from you.
   5. “Make a decision” This one’s big–set a deadline and stick with it. With this project, I didn’t do so well with that at first, but in my decision to leave my corporate job, I realized that it’s my life and I’d better do what makes me happy….it’s not like I’m in school and need to please a teacher. I’ve got to do it for me, otherwise I won’t be happy.
2. Hatch a plan. Um, I’m still working on this, so let’s look at the substeps and see if they’re useful:
   1. “Figure out how much time you’re going to need.” With this project, I did set up a timeframe. With getting other work to supplement everything, I’m slowly figuring that out. The article suggests talking to other people, and I have gone to some networking events, but I think it’s just being tenacious and persistent. I have to believe in myself and what I’m doing. I also need to research who to write for and start pitching. The article advises that you don’t do so much research that you procrastinate even more, but I do need to sit down and come up with a plan to make sure I’m not writing willy-nilly for just anything.
   2. “Put a detailed game plan on paper” Yikes! I have to do this?! I know this is necessary if you’re starting a business, and let’s face it, I have to treat my writing like a business. I’ll be working on the game plan next week. Honest!
   3. “Pull out your calendar” Set deadlines. OK, I can do that when I do the game plan.
   4. “For a long-term goal, consider setting distinct, rather than incremental mini-goals.” This is actually really helpful with the example Kest wrote about. She told the story of a New York City painter whose goal was to get a solo show of her work. She figured her goal would take two years, and so she broke it into two parts: Get the paintings done and then do the networking/trying to get dealers to give her a showing. Again, this is extremely helpful for me (see, O is already helping! I’m having an Oprah A-ha Moment (hopefully that’s not trademarked) right now! OK, almost eight years later, but perhaps I needed to do all that quiet stuff for a long time before I was ready to buckle down and take the plunge). I’ve been going to some networking events to get advice on freelancing and how to deal with writing contracts, and to be honest, it’s been quite daunting. Maybe I need to make a list of that sort of stuff I do need to think about, but focus on the work that I want to do, and then come back to the businessy part. Because I’ll be honest: I don’t like getting all worked up about that stuff. It really freaks me out and almost paralyzes me into feeling I can’t do anything more.

   3. Keep yourself motivated. This is one I’ll have to keep in mind. Keep the eye on the prize at the end, right? A lot of these, though, I’ve heard before. I just have to not be lazy and let go of the goal–that’s got to be my motivation (though it really is weird to go from being a people-pleaser to making sure you’re doing everything for yourself).

   1. “Get others’ advice but go with your gut
   2. “Put your goal in front of you, literally” Oh, I’m going to be looking at Oprah’s face every day for a long time. It’s too easy to shove the magazine in box and save it for later.
   3. “Expect and accept lapses” I know from trying to lose weight that sometimes it gets slow, so I didn’t want to try to read one Oprah/day and blog about it. That’s just too much.
   4. “Remember that life isn’t a race”

Then there’s a little section of what do you do once you’ve reached your goal. The advice is to basically celebrate–don’t take it for granted that you’ve accomplished this. Also tough for me to do (modesty has been ingrained in me a bit), but I’ll try. Then you’ve got to reassess yourself and your dreams–and basically go through the cycle all over again, whether it’s taking your accomplishment and doing more with it, or trying something totally new.

Starting the goal process again seems a bit hard too, but I think over time, you get used to doing it, and it (hopefully) just becomes second nature. I’ve never been great with setting goals for myself because for a good portion of my life, I was told what to do with it. This is the first time I’m doing something for myself. I want to succeed, and at 35, I obviously need the tools to help me out. Here’s to hoping this article works for me. I’ll keep you posted on the results.

OK. A couple of things have happened in the last couple of months: I quit my day job to write full-time (following the dream, which is in issue 1, but Oprah’s not the reason I quit), and we re-upped the lease on the apartment, so we’ll be here another year. That doesn’t mean I want to keep the O’s around any longer than that though.

However, I’m feeling a total disconnect with this project, so I think I need to start over. Look for more this month while I hammer out the details with myself.

It’s probably not a good idea to start a project when you have a lot of freelance deadlines looming over you (for the record, I have a full-time job, and I do some freelance writing); however, I probably started this as a way to procrastinate, and boy, did it work!

I’ll be taking a break for a couple of days–just long enough for me to catch up on the other writing.  Just think that I’m looking at the two-page photo spread designed to help you calm down.  This is an interesting concept–one that’s really different for a magazine that’s all about lots of tidbits of information and a whole bunch of ads blaring at you–and I do like it.

The picture here is an empty deck chair at the end of a pier looking out onto a still lake, with trees and mountains in the background.  It’s called “Still Waters”

Find a few moments of peace:  Imagine you are here, enjoying the tranquillity [sic] of a lake by the mountains as the day draws to an end.

It’s a pretty picture, and water always calms me down.  I’ll be interested to see (a) other pictures in this series, and (b) if this feature still exists today.  [I also can't believe I caught a typo, but you'll have that]

If you run a business, getting the Oprah Seal of Approval can mean you hit the jackpot.  People go crazy and buy whatever she says, and sometimes I don’t understand how a regular person can spend money like Oprah can spend money.  Oprah can spend a lot of money–she earns a lot.  Me?  Not so much.  But thanks to The O List feature, I can spend like Oprah too.

Here’s what’s on the list this month:

Tote Le Monde bags:  $35-37

Cherry Pie pajamas:  $110

Fendi sunglasses:  $170  [an aside:  I just paid $20 for sunglasses at Walgreens, and I splurged on the fancy pair.  Two totally different worlds]

Astucci silk sunglasses case:  $16

Lampe-Fleur (liquid candles) by Sarut NYC:  $40 and up

Red Envelope Gifts Online’s breakfast-in-bed kit:  $95  [item is either discontinued or cheaper now]

Burberry dog collar:  $85

Burberry dog leash:  $140

Ralph Lauren gingham mules:  $250

Rocket eBook:  $199

Oprah’s total:  $1,140 (and that’s in 2000…I believe it’s about $1,328 in today’s dollars)

One of the features that sets O apart from other magazines is the personal “workbook” sheet that has questions for you to ponder in creating your best life.  This is not the stuff I go for, but OK, I’ll do them.  I won’t like it though!

Something to Think About questions:

1. Am I satisfied with the life I am living?  Some aspects, yes, but if I was satisfied with my life, woul I be answering this?
2. How would I change my life if I had only one year to live? One month? One day?  I hate this question.  Hate it.  I must be getting old because it’s not thought-provoking anymore (or I’m just avoiding writing a real answer).  Let’s see.  If I had one year left, I’d travel around the world (hopefully I’m healthy in this one year).  If I had one month, I’d see friends, eat a fair amount, and visit favorite places one last time.  One day?  Tell my loved ones I love them and watch “Tootsie.”  I’d probably also eat some good French fries.

3. What is my heart’s deepest desire?  To make a living wage from writing.  I was going to say “being creative,” but one can argue I do that in my current job, and let me tell you, research is not my heart’s deepest desire.

One thing I do like about Oprah’s agony columns is that she’s got a financial one–personal finance whiz Suze Orman joins the gang to give advice about money, which is really an important topic. Women have all sorts of issues with money–if you’re a homemaker, you don’t have any income, so if your situation suddenly changes, what are you going to do? If you have a career, you may not get paid as much as a man. If you’re an American, there’s a good chance you didn’t learn much about personal finances.

My parents used to tell me to pay my credit cards off in full. Then out of the other side of their mouths, they’d ask if I had x or y or z yet, and they implied I really should have these things. Once I moved out of the house, I had a studio apartment that was affordable, but then I was in grad school (after a couple of semesters, school tuition went on the credit card for two reasons: 1) I was too lazy to fill out student loan paperwork, and 2) I didn’t want my parents to have to cosign–and potentially be upset with me) and then quit my job to become a temp—this was a good move because I ended up with a much better paying job with more opportunities, but in the short run, I really didn’t make very much money. And with buying all the stuff I “needed,” I was in debt pretty quickly.

I probably could’ve used some of Suze’s advice a little earlier. I’m doing fine now–credit cards have been paid off for years (and hey, no student loan debt either), and I do save a good amount of money every month. Still, I love reading the problems that are in the magazine. I’m guessing it’s partly schadenfreude, and partly being able to learn from others.

A quick recap of this month’s problems:

1. Should I lend money to my deadbeat brother? Answer: NO
2. I’m a compulsive shopper. How do I stop running up these bills? Answer: Stop buying out of fear.
3. I’ll get a big inheritance only if I send the kids to dad’s alma mater. What do I do? Answer: Don’t let him control you–when money comes with strings, there are almost always problems not far behind.
4. I feel guilty if I’m not donating to charity, but I’m barely getting by. Do I have to give? Answer: You shouldn’t feel compelled to, but when we give, we usually end up receiving more in return (not necessarily monetarily, but we still get something). It’s up to you to decide, but “if you’re open to giving, then you’ll be open to receiving.” An interesting way to look at this issue, I think.

Suze also has seven ways to save $1000 by the end of the year (in this case it’s 6-7 months). I hate these types of articles because they invariably tell you to stop buying lattes, and I don’t drink lattes. What are Suze’s tips?

1. Get a haircut every six weeks instead of every month. Well, at this point in my life, this is a no-brainer. I’ve always been a six-weeks (or even longer) haircut kind of person. I have gone from expensive haircuts, meaning anywhere from $50-90 (seriously. I about shit when I got the $90 haircut. Oh, it was really good, and I don’t deny anyone being able to charge that much money for their services, but I do not have a $90/haircut budget), to a haircut that’s about $25 or so. For $25 I do not get a shampoo, nor do I get much in the way of styling. I also need to be a walk-in and put my name on a list. Still, I’ve done all right for myself, and my wallet’s a little happier.
2. Don’t use ATMs that aren’t from your own bank. Also dated advice at this point. I have paid an ATM fee this year because I was desperate for some cash and couldn’t get to my bank, but otherwise, why would you pay ATM fees (or fees for using a debit card)?
3. Instead of it being a morning habit, have your specialty coffee drink as an every-once-in-a-while treat. What did I say about the latte habit?
4. Cancel premium channes on your cable plan. I don’t have cable TV. Another winner of an idea.
5. Pack a lunch! This is probably my biggest downfall. I do tend to eat out a good amount, unless I’ve planned well.
6. Get a better interest rate on your credit card and save on interest payments. No debt, no need to do this.
7. Rent a movie instead of going to one once a month. Or, with not that many movies I’m interested in, stop going to them. According to Suze, you could save almost $100 by doing this, but you know what? Sometimes it’s nice to go to the movies and see one on the big screen. Once a month isn’t a horrible habit. It sure as heck keeps you from being stuck at home all the time.

What do I think of these “savings”? Well, on these tips alone I’d probably save 1/5 of what she claims, mainly because I don’t have a lot of the spending habits she’s relying on. I hope in future issues she repeats this section–I’d be interested to know if she’s changed anything.

Since the beginning, Dr. Phil has been a columnist in the magazine. It’s a self-help magazine, but sometimes you need experts to help with some specific problems or you need to read some specifics to help you. At any rate, what’s a woman’s magazine without an agony column?

For the purposes of this blog, I’m mostly going to post the regular columnists’ questions. I mainly want to see how many, if any, repeats there are. One of the things I do hate about many women’s magazines is the fact that every year it seems like they do the same features, and almost every issue has the same things: Lose Weight! Bake a Chocolate Dessert! Get Organized! Have Better Sex!

The promise of O is that every issue’s supposed to have a different theme. SPOILER ALERT: She does end up repeating some themes, but really, I can’t blame them. You’ve got to anticipate getting new readers all the time, so sometimes you have to repeat for their sake, but the concept of having an issue revolve around a theme is pretty cool to me.

Back to Dr. Phil. Here are this month’s (sometimes truncated) questions:

I’ve always had a bad temper. How can I stop?

As a child, I told little lies to get out of tight spots, but now I make things up all the time. I’m at the point where I don’t even remember what’s true.

My friend calls me only when she’s in a crunch or needs free therapy. Her selfishness really peeves me, but I can’t seem to tell her that. Now she needs me to help her move into her new apartment. I want to say no, but I know she’ll hit me with a guilt trip. Any advice?

My husband never admits he’s wrong. When we argue or discuss an issue, he has to be right or he blows up and gets defensive. I hate the example he’s setting for our two sons, and I don’t see how we can make our relationship work if he’s not more reasonable. Any ideas?

What I like about this column is that Dr. Phil gets more space for his answers than say, Dear Abby. He has room to explain things like, “Your core problem is not your temper. Anger almost always overlays hurt, fear, frustration or shame. Your outbursts are a symptom of buried pain that surfaces in the form of your tirades.”

Anyway, what have I learned here? Well, I have a bit of a temper, and I think it mainly comes from frustration and/or hurt. The advice is to look behind your anger and try to see where it’s stemming from.  Then when you find the source of your anger, figure out how to deal with it in a way that doesn’t hurt anyone else.

Other than  that,  I don’t think the rest of the problems here really apply to me.