I thought it would be a breeze to blog this issue, but it still took quite a long time. Nevertheless, I’m glad to be continuing on with my goal.

Even though I try to be grateful in my everyday life, I learned from this issue that I can stand to be even more thankful for the goodness I have and experience. I don’t know if I’ll go so far as to keep a gratitude journal, but I’ll at least try to be more mindful of the gratefulness I feel.

I didn’t write about the Elie Wiesel interview or the article about friends (this was writers/well-known people talking about a certain friendship that’s special to them), but that’s because they just heaped more on the “Be thankful for this” pile.

Now that we’re grateful, we can move on to generosity, next month’s theme. Somehow I don’t think it’s a coincidence those two are together. To me, once you’re grateful for something, you’re so happy that you want others to experience the same greatness, so you’re really more apt to give. Plus, this issue is December, so it’s natural to be more giving around the holidays.

On to being generous!

Did you know that Oprah keeps a daily gratitude journal? She’s taken the advice of Sarah Ban Breathnach and writes down at least five things she’s grateful for. They run the gamut from the simple things in life to important things like health. She does this because she believes that when you’re grateful, doors will open and you’ll receive a lot more bounty.

“It’s not easy being grateful all the time,” she writes. “But it’s when you feel least thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give you: perspective.”

It’s nice that Oprah acknowledges how hard it can be to be grateful. She’s just as human as the rest of us, and even though it’s kind of glossed over here, I’m sure she’s had many a bad day. It’s hard to get past the bad days, but even if we can be thankful for a couple of things, life will get better and we’ll learn to see more of the good around us.

Suze Orman is back to readers’ questions about money woes!

Question 1: My husband spends a ton of money on gadgets. I’d like to spend money too, but I don’t. How do I approach him without nagging?

Suze says: Your husband may have an emotional need that he’s trying to fix by acquiring stuff. Here’s a lousy part of our consumer culture: It says we are our possessions, and if you have a problem, you can simply buy something to fix it (what our culture doesn’t say though, is that this approach doesn’t really work because it turns into a vicious cycle of continually buying things we don’t really need). Suze also looks at the questioner’s anger (another reason I like Suze!) because this woman has the same impulses to spend, so maybe there’s something emotional that she needs as well.

Ultimately, Suze says the best way to deal with your anger is to change your course. Don’t fixate on his spending–start your own savings account. You save, you’ll be happier (and maybe more financially stable), and maybe your husband will even join you. I think it’s the whole “stop focusing on him and start focusing on yourself” philosophy. Change yourself, and the bigger picture may turn rosier.

Question 2: I’ve gotten a job offer that pays a lot more, but the job itself is a little riskier. “How should I make my decision?”

Suze says: Well, Jill is going to talk first. It’s November 2000 (and presumably, the question is a bit older than that), so I’m guessing it’s a .com job. Tons of cash, but the thing made implode at any time. It’s an interesting question to which Suze says, “There’s an important distinction between a calculated risk and a reckless gamble.” This goes for investing (don’t put all your eggs in one basket), and it goes for your job too. This person may be getting a great opportunity that could really turn into something, or this person may get stuck at either a crappy job, or lose the job pretty quickly.

She does point out that when thinking about a job switch, you should think about how many people does your income have to support; do you have enough cash to see you through a few months in case the new job goes bust; what sorts of benefits and future payoffs are you giving up for the new job; are the new employers giving you a bunch of empty promises; and what does your gut say. It’s a lot to think about, but good advice.

Question 3: Do I need life insurance?

Suze says: OK, I’m going to talk again first because Suze actually says a product is bad. I have to quote her: “In my opinion, whole life [insurance] is, in most cases, one of the biggest rip-offs around.” Wow! Concrete advice that says, no, don’t get this product!

The actual answer is a bit longer than that quote, of course, and is mostly, “It depends.” You should look at what your family’s needs are, and if you weren’t there to bring in the money, would they be able to survive all right. If they could (i.e.–there’s plenty of savings), then you probably don’t need it. If things would be really tight/compromised, then life insurance might be for you.

She does explain life insurance a bit and even has a sidebar on figuring out how much life insurance you actually need (and can afford). You have to think about what you want the life insurance to do first (just cover expenses or provide income for a long time), and then you can figure out where to buy it.

Last question!  We go out to dinner with these friends, and they always spend way more than we do, then just want to split the check.  “This makes me feel resentful, but I’m afraid to speak up.  What should I do?”

Suze says:  Take a look at why you’re resentful.  Are we talking a couple of bucks because they got a more expensive dish, or do they order many courses while you can’t?  Are you angry because you can’t afford to eat out like your friends can?  Is the place you’re going to out of your range in the first place (and if so, don’t go there–if they’re that good of friends, you should be able to say either we can’t afford this restaurant, or suggest a place you can afford)?

Suze also mentions that it’s funny that the subject of money is so taboo–we’ll gladly talk about all sorts of personal information, but we clam up about money.  In this case, she advises that maybe if you admit a place is too expensive for you, it will show that you’re careful about your money, and you shouldn’t feel embarrassed about being careful with your money.

I do kind of want to know the full story on this question.  What’s the view from the other people’s side?  A few times every year, a couple of friends and I get together to celebrate each other’s birthdays.  The birthday girl chooses the restaurant, and it’s usually a fairly basic sit-down place.

However, the three of us have very different financial situations.  One has no children, and she and her husband both work at regular jobs.  I just gave up my job, which means for me I have to be a bit more careful about what I spend.  The third girl has three kids, and her husband has a decent job, but I’m guessing it’s not the best-paying job–we’re talking around the statistical median, I’d think.  She does a little work at home to  supplement things, but I know that going out is a luxury.  However, she’s also always been a big saver and shops on sale, with coupons, etc., so I don’t really know the situation.

The Boy and I have various sets of friends with whom we can just split the bill.  We go out often enough and the bill usually comes out even enough for us not to deal with.  It’ll even out in the end, and if someone orders way more expensively, we’ll adjust for that.

With these friends we do the who-owes-what add-up.  My friend with the kids will order cheaply pay exactly what she owes, plus a 15% tip.  I understand that she’s on a tight budget, but I usually end up paying a few bucks extra than what I’d normally owe because we do end up staying at our table 2-3 hours (even if they need the table), and the waitress does a lot of running for beverages for us.  I like to tip over 20% in these cases to make up a little bit for the lost tip.  So, Suze, if you’re reading this, how would you deal with this situation?  I don’t mean to make my friend feel bad about her money situation, but I also feel that my tip shows my gratitude for the service, and in cases like this, I think we should be extra-grateful for the good service.  How do I teach this to my friend?

[and hey, do I get bonus points for weaving this issue's theme into my question?]

Gratitude?  Thy name is only two “Something to Think About” questions this week!  The point is to dwell on all the things you can be thankful about.  If you’re grateful, you open yourself up to even more good things (hey, what goes around, comes around), and you start spreading the joy to others.

1.  “Ask yourself:  What are the good things in my life that I’m overlooking?”   Personally, I tend to assume I’ll have decent shelter, plenty of food, and clothes on my back.  I’m pretty glad I have those.  I’m probably also overlooking some basics about myself:  I’m glad I’m curious and like to read and have a sense of humor and and an imagination.  Overall though, there are many days when I realize how lucky I am.  I could just as well have been born someone else with a totally different (and worse) life.

2.  “Each day for a month, write down one reason you’re thankful  for your mate or closest friend.  At the end of the month, give him or her the list.“  Since I don’t have a month, I’m going to pass on this one.  Maybe I’ll write one out on my own (but I’m not really motivated to…I tend to tell the Boy how much I’m happy to have him–and he does the same for me–in little ways all the time).

This month’s calendar is designed to get you on “the path to gratitude.” What activities will help us become more thankful people?

• “Think of five things you would not change about your life. “

1. The Boy
2. Being able to write full-time
3. Having a good church and a good handbell choir
4. Fantastic friends
5. Not owning a car

• “Appreciate your senses.” This one’s mainly about being more aware of the joy your senses can bring you.
• Each morning, say a prayer that you’ve lived to see another day. “Before going to bed, write down five reasons that the day was wonderful.” Here are my five for today:

1. I got to kiss the Boy.
2. It was sunny.
3. I met some deadlines.
4. There’s a lot of Easter candy in the house (which I’m simultaneously not grateful for because my will power is weak).
5. I took a nice walk.

• What about yourself are you grateful for? Again, do the five things:

1. My brains
2. My sense of humor
3. My eyes
4. My ability to follow choreography
5. My body is getting more agile

• “Right now, tell the three people you are closest to why you’re thankful to have them in your life.” Hmmm….Should this be a private thing? Do I share with you? I’ve got to admit that I feel kind of dorky saying exactly, “I’m thankful to have you in my life because…” which is why I suppose Hallmark exists. I feel like I’m supposed to be flowery with these types of things–simple thoughts aren’t good enough. But I think I’ll do bullet points just to have that inbetween feeling:
  • The Boy: It’s nice to have a fun partner who I enjoy being with and who enjoys being with me. I like having an intelligent person who wants me to be my best around me.
  • Astrochick: She likes to explore and try a lot of things. I’ve learned a lot of good tips about setting boundaries from her. Plus, she’s smart, funny, and appreciates good jokes and good booze.
  • The Doctor: It’s comforting to have a friend who you’ve known since age 3. With one look, we can communicate a lot, simply because we have that history. The Doctor cares and does the right thing even when it’s hard to do. And she’s smart, loves pop culture as an art form, and is the person I can indulge in my love for Duran Duran with.

  OK, maybe that wasn’t so hard (let’s just hope none of them go, “Hey, thanks for airing our clean laundry to the public!”)

• Remember how much you have and share with those less fortunate (i.e.–bring a bunch of food to a shelter).
• “Forgiveness is a form of gratitude.”  You’re supposed to forgive three people, but I don’t feel like I have much to forgive.  Maybe, Mom, I forgive you for instilling me with a bunch of hang-ups; or X, I forgive you for doing things or having thoughts I’ve totally made up or misinterpreted.  I’m not sure if that’s what they’re looking for though.
• “What five memories are you most grateful for?”

1. Scootering around Santorini
2. My wedding
3. Studying in Vienna
4. College Girls weekends
5. Finishing my first triathlon

I think those are good memories–maybe not the ones I’m most grateful for, but I’m in a bit of a time crunch, and I mainly want to post this.

So much to be grateful for–but it’s actually fun to practice being more grateful because it makes me a happier person.

I’m starting to worry that I won’t be able to meet my July 4th deadline for this goal, but I suppose I should be grateful that I’m making any progress at all.

Volume 1, Issue 5 came out in November 2000.  We’re preparing for Thanksgiving, and it’s time to be thankful.  I think this one may be easier for me to talk about–learning to say “thank you” is a heck of a lot easier than setting and achieving goals or figuring out the true me.  At least, that’s what I think.  This means those little workbook questions will probably come easier, so I’m thankful for that.  I kind of feel like the staff is saying, “Well, the holidays are starting, so let’s take a little bit of time away from the heavy stuff and do something that’s probably a little bit easier!”