Here we go with the first beauty issue–O Magazine April 2006. As Oprah explains in the “Here We Go!” column, the question they want you to answer is, “Do you like the way you look?” I think they want you to get to, “Yes, I do.” After all, this magazine is about accepting yourself.

But if you don’t like your appearance, don’t look to the calendar for help. Yes, the calendar is still in the issue, but instead of giving you tasks to do throughout the month, there are just self-affirmations riddled among the quotes. It’s a little Stuart Smalley, with things like “Lotions and potions are just frosting on the cake. If you don’t feel gorgeous in your soul, that’s where your makeover should begin.” OK, so now what, geniuses?

So far, I’m not enthralled with the issue. I wonder if that’s why it took them about seven years to tackle the topic.

The calendar in the “Success” issue (Sept. 2001) is gung-ho on getting you to understand that successful achievements aren’t just big, glamorous awards. They’re also the little things, like having a healthy baby, accepting the way you look, not letting failure stop you, getting rid of debt. “When you understand success as a state of mind, not just an outcome, any moment can be a victory.”

What sorts of activities does the Calendar recommend this month?

• Come up with a goal that’s doable, but it should challenge you as well. Check your progress weekly. Hmmmm….I’ve been thinking about putting one of those tickers on my site so that I can count down the issues. I don’t even really have a feel for what’s doable in terms of reading the Oprahs. Maybe finish two more by the end of the month? Or finish this “Success” section and then two other issues? I think I’ll shoot for the latter.
• Put together two sharp-looking business outfits. Ix-nay on the suit-ay. Right now I don’t have to go in front of any audiences or go to business meetings to pitch ideas. When I do, I’ll get appropriate attire. For now, I’m fine in jeans, capris, and shorts.
• Exercise daily. “Physical activity keeps you energized, helping you build momentum to reach your goals.” Um, how about a rest day, which your body also needs? Sure, you could probably do an easy walk on days off from heavy-duty exercise, but I think this is not-so-great advice—it’s the soundbite speaking, and you really need a longer explanation so that you don’t injure yourself. Still, regular exercise does energize you and get you excited about the goals you’re trying to reach.
• Don’t try too hard, or else you may find success always out of your reach. I like this one because it’s a reminder to focus on you and your needs and your goals and take things a little bit at a time. When you think of the bigger picture and trying to get someone to buy/accept what you’re offering, then that can get a little overwhelming. I feel overwhelmed by this project all the time. Something that I thought would be somewhat easy and wouldn’t take long has become a true marathon of tasks. If I follow this advice to “let go of your expectations” and just take it slowly, then it’s more fun and enjoyable. I don’t know what the results of this blog will be, but if I don’t think about the end, I enjoy the journey so much more.
• Focus on yourself and your own abilities. Don’t fixate on what others can do. Especially with my “competition” from the Living Oprah site, this is a wake-up call. When I start thinking about her and her successes too much, I start having little internal freakouts that paralyze me and then I just devolve into some big mess that can’t get any posts written. Not good.
• “Make success a normal part of your day. Acknowledge when things work out. when they don’t, move on. Don’t brood over what you can’t fix.” I like this one too because I’m totally guilty of this–I constantly have conversations with people who aren’t there about some slight or why something didn’t work out. And I will have these conversations over and over. Or I’ll obsessively check e-mail, waiting for an answer to something I submitted. I’m really trying hard to tone this noise down, but it’s difficult. Still, I’m trying. I suppose I could consider it a partial success that I’m getting a little better about not doing this as much.

The last two action items in the calendar are progress markers for that goal you set at the beginning of the month. Not useable in this case, but such is life.

At least these points are pretty helpful–I feel like I’ve heard some of this before as well, but maybe it’s just that I’m more mindful of the advice and how it can work for me that I feel like this isn’t new news.

I have to commend the calendar in the “Getting Unstuck” issue.  I think the advice offered in it is useful and really covers a broad range of situations that would need help.  Most of them, however, aren’t mine.  That’s OK though.  I’m feeling a little bit better about my project–just need to keep plugging away at it (which is basically one of the pieces of advice given here), and eventually I’ll get where I need to go.

It sounds pretty lame, doesn’t it?  I sometimes look for that lightening bolt piece of advice that I’ve never heard before, but I’m stuck with hoping that the 101st time I hear, “Just take it one step at a time,” will actually sink in.

Other advice given in this month’s calendar?

• If there’s something you need/want, but you’re scared about asking for it, get all the information you’ll need to make your case and practice your spiel before you really ask for it.
• Make sure you’re following your dreams, not someone else’s.
• If you want to change but have a lot of limiting circumstances, get some friends together and they can help you come up with some ideas.
• Create a “ten things to do before I die” list and then do them.
• If you don’t know how to get started on your goal, find someone who’s done something similar and figure out how she got there (this is also helpful, I think).
• Give yourself time to dream up your next thing.
• Make sure you know what you really want–maybe a little shift is all you need to make a big difference.

All good pieces of advice, just not what I’m looking for to help me get out of my stuck fetal position in this hidey hole I’ve created on the internet.  I’ll keep reading though–maybe there’s something else that will help me.

The Dream Big calendar has a few ideas that may help me. Others, not so much. I’m honestly a bit lazy to create a support group of friends who meet together monthly to help each other reach their goals. Isn’t that a big like group therapy? I’d much rather create a support group of friends who meet together monthly to have a good martini.

Another idea I’d probably have a problem with is creating a “Big Dreams Notebook” where I’d write down all my dreams, each with their own action plan, and then track my progress. Somehow, that seems a little too analytical–but then, that’s probably a reason I have a problem setting and accomplishing goals. I like to dream big, but I don’t always like the work involved that makes that dream a reality. I think what also gets me about the dream notebook is that I’d write down so many dreams that I’d probably feel overwhelmed in trying to accomplish them all. At any rate, that tip will not help with my current problem (and I only have one or two dreams: read my Oprahs, be a well-paid published writer).

But there are a few tips–and a lot of good, inspirational quotes–that may help: Meditate a little bit each day to help your mind relax and open up to creativity. Allow your imagination to wander and a big dream might come to you. Commit to your dream, and don’t take no for an answer.

That last one is really the most helpful. Really. I’ve got to commit to this project, and I do need to put more time toward it. I can’t let someone else’s thoughts and actions get in my way and deter me from achieving my dreams. It’s great advice, and I feel empowered to keep going.

Dec. 2000’s calendar is all about giving well. Along with the usual inspirational quotes about giving, here are some tasks to think about this month:

• When you’re giving, what are the intentions behind your actions? Are you giving because you want to, or because you feel obiligated? OK, here’s my one beef (I believe with the entire issue, but that remains to be seen). This is an either/or question, and the answer should be “I give because I want to give.” However, if you do feel obligated to give someone a gift, how do you either change those “should” feelings to “I want to give” feelings or get rid of the “shoulds” altogether? This is one area where I feel I need some help, and simply reading, You should give because you want to, not because you have to, doesn’t help me change my mindset and approach at all. Hopefully this will be answered, but I’m honestly not too hopeful.
• “Call your closest friend right now and name one reason you’re happy to have him or her in your life.” It’s on my list (though I would imagine you also need to have a conversation…you can’t just say, “Yo, I’m happy to have you in my life because of x,” and then hang up the phone).
• When you receive a gift or compliment, just say, “Thank you.” Enjoy that feeling. This is a good one–I don’t know if I’ve read it in Oprah or elsewhere or seen it on TV, but women seem to feel like they have to justify compliments. It’s really funny. Someone tells you your shoes are nice, and you immediately launch into how you found them on sale and the great price you got, like you have to justify why you own something so nice. I started to pay attention to my own behavior and started to just say thank you instead of telling the whole story about why I had said item (which can actually get embarrassing at times). Doing that approach has really made me feel better about myself because I don’t need to justify my actions and prove myself worthy.
• Take some time from the holiday hullabaloo to sit back and think about things you’ve received from other people. This doesn’t need to be reserved for December, I think. It’s nice to remember gifts all year round.
• Give the gift of time. Most of us probably don’t need one more thing in our homes, so offer to spend time with someone or do a favor. This is a nice idea, but I have a few hang-ups from it: Remember when you were a kid, and in school you’d make Mother’s Day coupons so that your mom could redeem them for chores?  My mom never redeemed hers.   Then when I was in 8th grade and had to help with our school’s annual auction, a friend and I offered a day of  housecleaning services.  Somebody paid $115 for it and never called us.  It’s frustrating to offer help, have it accepted, then never used.
• “Give a gift to a person who can never repay you–and do it anonymously.”  That could be fun!

It’s nice to see these ideas in a month that’s not December because I think it’s good to remember to give more often than that.

This month’s calendar is designed to get you on “the path to gratitude.” What activities will help us become more thankful people?

• “Think of five things you would not change about your life. “

1. The Boy
2. Being able to write full-time
3. Having a good church and a good handbell choir
4. Fantastic friends
5. Not owning a car

• “Appreciate your senses.” This one’s mainly about being more aware of the joy your senses can bring you.
• Each morning, say a prayer that you’ve lived to see another day. “Before going to bed, write down five reasons that the day was wonderful.” Here are my five for today:

1. I got to kiss the Boy.
2. It was sunny.
3. I met some deadlines.
4. There’s a lot of Easter candy in the house (which I’m simultaneously not grateful for because my will power is weak).
5. I took a nice walk.

• What about yourself are you grateful for? Again, do the five things:

1. My brains
2. My sense of humor
3. My eyes
4. My ability to follow choreography
5. My body is getting more agile

• “Right now, tell the three people you are closest to why you’re thankful to have them in your life.” Hmmm….Should this be a private thing? Do I share with you? I’ve got to admit that I feel kind of dorky saying exactly, “I’m thankful to have you in my life because…” which is why I suppose Hallmark exists. I feel like I’m supposed to be flowery with these types of things–simple thoughts aren’t good enough. But I think I’ll do bullet points just to have that inbetween feeling:
  • The Boy: It’s nice to have a fun partner who I enjoy being with and who enjoys being with me. I like having an intelligent person who wants me to be my best around me.
  • Astrochick: She likes to explore and try a lot of things. I’ve learned a lot of good tips about setting boundaries from her. Plus, she’s smart, funny, and appreciates good jokes and good booze.
  • The Doctor: It’s comforting to have a friend who you’ve known since age 3. With one look, we can communicate a lot, simply because we have that history. The Doctor cares and does the right thing even when it’s hard to do. And she’s smart, loves pop culture as an art form, and is the person I can indulge in my love for Duran Duran with.

  OK, maybe that wasn’t so hard (let’s just hope none of them go, “Hey, thanks for airing our clean laundry to the public!”)

• Remember how much you have and share with those less fortunate (i.e.–bring a bunch of food to a shelter).
• “Forgiveness is a form of gratitude.”  You’re supposed to forgive three people, but I don’t feel like I have much to forgive.  Maybe, Mom, I forgive you for instilling me with a bunch of hang-ups; or X, I forgive you for doing things or having thoughts I’ve totally made up or misinterpreted.  I’m not sure if that’s what they’re looking for though.
• “What five memories are you most grateful for?”

1. Scootering around Santorini
2. My wedding
3. Studying in Vienna
4. College Girls weekends
5. Finishing my first triathlon

I think those are good memories–maybe not the ones I’m most grateful for, but I’m in a bit of a time crunch, and I mainly want to post this.

So much to be grateful for–but it’s actually fun to practice being more grateful because it makes me a happier person.

I forgot to take a look at this month’s calendar before I dove into Dr. Phil and Suze Orman. I suppose old habits die hard–whenever the magazine arrived, I’d read their columns first, then put the magazine away to read later (I didn’t realize it would be almost eight years later). So let me backpedal a bit and look at the calendar.

This month the magazine tries to help you “know the power of your thoughts.” I actually think the “know” part of this is important.  To me, it’s the “baby-step” approach:  If you want to change how you think, you need to be aware of how you’re thinking in the first place.  Otherwise you won’t be able to make any sustainable changes.

In the calendar, there are seven different activities to do during the month to help you along this path.  They ask you to understand the power of words and pay attention to how you use them.  Pay attention to the effect your words have. It’s kind of the “think before you speak” saying, which is what I think they might be going for.

Next, you should work on replacing negative thoughts with positive thoughts, and the exercise here is to take a negative thought that you often have, write it down, and then write its opposite.  Take that positive thought and start thinking it instead of the negative one you use.  This one I try to do–when I can remember it.  When I’m having a bad day and am pretty down on myself, it is really hard to try to pull myself up, but I hope that somehow changing the thoughts will keep me from going to that bad place.

Some things to do are simple:  Think about someone you love and send them some positive vibes.  If you’ve got a good idea, put it into action.  Those to me seem fairly easy to do–or they don’t really force me to change myself, which is nice.  “Recall a time when you felt unfairly treated.  Ask yourself:  What did I do to create that circumstance?  Did I trust foolishly?  Did I fail to ask for what I wanted?”  That’s a bit more difficult.  I think that this one is more about not letting yourself get walked on.  If you’re a pushover, you’ll get taken advantage of.  That’s not to say you need to be aggressive, but you do need to stand up for yourself.  I’m working on that, and there are times where I’m successful, but boy, does it feel weird to not be complacent and say, “Yes, whatever you want is fine with me.”

The last two thoughts are tied together somewhat.  One is, “Notice how your mind works.  What preoccupies you?  What do you avoid?  How much time do you focus on yourself?  How often do you think of others?”  As much as I love to write, I tend to procrastinate actually sitting down and doing it.   I let myself get preoccupied by chores and television and other random thoughts.  I think about others a lot–actually, I make assumptions about others a lot.  Then I fixate on these assumptions and let those take over instead of focusing on what I want to do and taking care of a goal.  I know that’s stupid–I know it.  I’ve got to learn how to just sit down and get things done, writing-wise (actually, it would help if I read Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott, which Diane Sawyer talks about in the favorite books section this issue.  It’s about writing and basically tells you to take things step-by-step.  I have it on my shelf–started reading it a couple of years ago and never finished it), and I can’t let my assumptions take hold of me.

The last idea distinguishes between thoughts that lift you up and drag you down, and it tells you to notice the two types.  This week I’ve had both types–I couldn’t tell you specifics…well, I got an idea for an article or two that I think would sell, and that made me happy.  Sitting down and doing the work of selling the idea…that’s weighing me down a bit, but I think if I tell myself that I can do it, I’ll succeed.

I totally forgot the calendar page in issue 2. It’s still there, announcing this month’s mission, giving you tasks to do and/or think about to help you live in the moment. They’re actually pretty simple: “Be silly today;” “Do one fun, spontaneous thing that makes you laugh at yourself…” (though if you’re trying to follow the calendar to the day, could you really call this act “spontaneous”?). Those kinds of things.

The nice thing is that you don’t need your courage journal for this month. The advice is practical and simple to start implementing into your everyday life. “Do one thing at a time,” is pretty helpful to me because I tend to multitask and then get pretty frazzled. Before I quit the day job, I was trying to fit in so much that I couldn’t remember how to do simple things anymore. Now my days are pretty stress-free. I just have to motivate myself to write (which isn’t too difficult because I don’t want to ruin this opportunity), and that’s about all I really have to worry about.

One day near the end of the month, the task is, “This day, have no regrets.” I like that one. I’ve done enough stupid things in my life and regret a lot, but it’s good to forgive yourself and move on. Stop living in the past and start living in the now.

Of course, hanging onto this magazine makes me feel like I’m living in the past, but perhaps I can overcome that as well.

The quote at the bottom of the page is from Eckhart Tolle, whose book A New Earth is the current Oprah Book Club class (she’s doing a webinar series for this, something that’s totally new for her).  “Realize deeply that the present moment is all you ever have.”  It’s a good quote to spur you into living in the moment, but at the same time, that can be a little stressful.  You have to make the most of everything, but you also need to remember that little things need to be done too–not every moment of life has to be super-fabulous.  Just remember to be present, right?

Since time is of the essence, I’m going to go through my Courage Journal a little quickly.  Some points are “stuff to do,” so I don’t need to reflect here.  I do think I have a fair amount of courage–I like trying new things, and I’m not necessarily afraid of putting myself into a new situation.  Do I let myself get too comfortable?  Maybe.  And that’s something to work on, but I think that’s probably something I have to continually work on throughout my life.

What’s keeping me from my goals?  Time is part of the deal.  Myself is another part of the deal–I tend to come up with new activities  to occupy my time rather than work toward my goals.

What was I created to do?  I’m most comfortable with and love writing.  I love communicating through the written word.  I love making people laugh with my writing.  I’ve felt for a long time that I should be a writer–but it’s a long, hard slog to actually do it.

What am I really afraid of in life?  Success.  Really.  I grew up in a household where you did what you should, and that usually wasn’t what you were passionate about.  Defer your dreams.  Always.  There was a lot of “you should do x,” so you did and you complained about it, and then you took comfort in your complaining.  I went to grad school mainly because I wanted to move out of the house.  I’d figured out my senior year in college that I should be a writer, but I knew that would be a while in coming, and I needed to make a living somehow.  I talked with a friend of a friend who was going to library school, and I thought that might be an option.  I took a year off and got a job in the library field.  I lived at home, and I wrote a good amount in my spare time.  Things were going well, and I wanted to move to Chicago.

My mother asked if I was going to grad school.  I said no, I didn’t want to.  She told me that I wasn’t going anywhere unless I got a Master’s degree.  Within a month, I’d applied to school, was accepted, and was moving to the city.

In grad school I tended to sit in the back and mock everything.  I mean, that’s what I did.  Then during one class, I realized that most of the other students wanted to be there.  That’s when I knew I was in trouble.

Fast-forward ten years.  I have a Master’s, I work in a library, and I’m writing a few things here and there, but I’m not focused enough on it.  Am I just afraid of being a successful writer?  It’s just easier to sit back, live a regular life, complain about it, and daydream about what could be.

What would you be willing to give up?  I’m one of those kids who did everything growing up, so I’m really good at filling time with activities.  I’m slowing figuring out that I can’t do that anymore.  The Boy and I are going to Japan this fall for vacation, so last fall I said we needed to take Japanese in order to be able to function a little bit better.  Well, that turned out to be a big time suck.  Japanese is pretty difficult and requires a lot of studying.  Needless to say, that instantly took time away from my writing.  After a couple of months, I dropped out because I was unhappy with the fact that I didn’t have any time to write–I’d totally spread myself too thin.  Do I still wish I could learn Japanese?  Yes, but since I’m not a full-time writer, I don’t have the time in the evenings to do both.

Now I’m really low on outside commitments (comparatively), and I’m getting some writing assignments, which is good.

Imagine the worst thing that could happen if you followed your goal.  I’d be worried that my goal would take up all of my time and that I wouldn’t be able to just relax and enjoy time with the Boy.  Perhaps that’s just a temporary thing, and once I reach my goal, I’ll have a little more time.

They also want me to list five qualities I have that can help me overcome any obstacle.  I feel weird doing this (because what if I’m wrong?), but here’s a quick list:  flexibility, endurance, common sense, sense of humor, intelligence.

But will those help me overcome my self-sabotaging tendencies?  We shall see.

After the table of contents, the first thing you come to in the premiere issue is the calendar. I believe Martha Stewart popularized the calendar in her magazine–it was what she planned to do for the month. Oprah’s calendar is full of quotes and tasks for you to write about in your journal in hopes of becoming a more fulfilled person.

This month’s mission? Courage. On the 1st you’re supposed to “buy a notebook to use as your courage journal. On the first page, write down every brave, strong, surprising thing you’ve ever done.” My honest instant reaction to the courage journal? Fuck that shit.

But I can’t do that. Not during issue one at least. If this magazine is going to help me, I should probably do some of the things they suggest. Here’s this month’s tasks (which, admittedly, I’ll have to squeeze into a few days):

1. Write down the brave stuff I’ve done, as mentioned above.
2. Write down what’s keeping you from reaching your goals: Time? Money? Energy?
3. Ask yourself, What was I created to do? Write the answer in your courage journal.
4. Ask yourself what you’re really afraid of in life: Ridicule? Rejection? Loneliness? Instability? What would it take for you to silence these fears?
5. What would you be willing to give up in exchange for a more meaningful life? Could you cancel one commitment? Could you live on less pay so you could feel more fulfilled?
6. Practice saying no without feeling guilty. Start with small issue and graduate to bigger ones.
7. Reflect on whether or not you’re living the life you were meant to live. Spend some time listing the ways–from the minuscule to the seemingly impossible–you’d change your life if you could.
8. Each time you do something courageous, no matter how small, write it in your journal. Make it a point to add one new item every day.
9. Invite to lunch n acquaintance you wish you knew better.
10. List in your journal three instances in which you wish you’d stood up for yourself or for someone else. Consider what you’ll say next time you’re in a similar situation.
11. Resolve to do one tough thing today that will make you happier tomorrow.
12. Imagine the worst thing that could happen if you followed your heart toward one goal. Write down five qualities you have that could help you overcome any obstacle. Then move forward, knowing you have the strength to persevere.
13. If someone upsets you today, don’t seethe; tell her openly how she has hurt you.

Wow. That’s a lot of work to do, especially during my timeframe, but I suppose if you were serious about it, you’d settle in for the month and try to do these things–they’re quite evenly spaced out, to be honest. This will actually be a bit difficult for me because (a) I’m not fond of actually doing the work, and (b) the only way to really help myself is to be open. Let’s face it, being honest and open in a public forum doesn’t thrill me, but I’ll do my best. Look for answers here soon.