Sorry it’s been a while. In planning out this project and trying to make it fit in with the rest of my life (other blog, other writing projects, family, household work), I tend to forget how long the writing process actually takes. Over the last few days I had some deadlines I had to meet, so this work got pushed to the back of the line. I’ll try to get back to it more this week. It’s funny–I’d hoped to finish by July, and I’m really nowhere near that. I don’t know when I’ll finish now. I suppose if I just wrote one post per issue, it would be a lot easier to accomplish my goal, but I don’t think just reading the magazine is the point. The point is to see if it helps me, and that requires a little more soul searching, which takes longer. We’ll see how I’m doing by the end of the year.
Anyway, this post is about the Dr. Phil column in the June 2008 issue. These have nothing to do with the Beauty Revolution theme (it’d be funny if he did chime in on that), but one I think is fairly useful for me.
Let’s eliminate the two that aren’t:
- My relationship with my husband isn’t intimate anymore, and I need that. What should I do? Dr. Phil says focus on why you married the guy in the first place. After all, there’s something about him that made you say you wanted to be with him. You’ve just got to find that again. Also, let go of the resentment you feel and focus on creating a better relationship. Dr. Phil does have a script ready for the conversation she needs to have with her husband. I really want to know if anyone’s used these and if so, do they work? At any rate, Dr. Phil says this writer deserves a better relationship with her husband, but it’s going to take some work on both of their parts to get there.
- My husband’s buddies don’t respect women/their wives and several cheat on theirs. I don’t want to hang around these people anymore, but I don’t want to hurt my husband by doing this. What to do? Dr. Phil says this person is really more afraid that her husband will follow in his buddies’ footsteps and cheat on her too. She’s never going to feel comfortable around these people, and frankly, her husband should feel bad that his friends are causing his wife to be upset. So tell him that you don’t like their actions, you’re not going to hang out with them, and you refuse to feel any guilt about this. The husband should probably find some different friends.
The last question asks how do you confront a racist? This one is interesting. The writer’s sister brings up race in a negative way, it makes the writer uncomfortable, and she doesn’t know how to address the situation. During one phone conversation, she didn’t say anything–she just hung up. Then she wrote an e-mail about the subject, but didn’t hear anything back. She wonders what she could do in the future. Dr. Phil advises she should try to continue the conversation next time. If you just hang up, everything stops. You’re also giving your sister the power to become the victim and claim you’re judging her. The writer should apologize for hanging up and assure her sister that she won’t “condemn her for opinions you don’t condone.” It’s important to keep that communication open, and maybe one day her mind will change.
Interesting advice–and I wonder how easy it is to implement it. It’s tough to try to change the mentality people have, especially when it comes to race, so I wonder if this tactic works.
