The success issue has an article on ambition that consists of many different successful women talking about the topic. Some describe it as good for women to have, as long as you don’t get too greedy (Leona Helmsley comes up a couple of times. Others say ambition is the scarlet letter A: If a woman is ambitious, the world sees it as a bad thing. Others claim they’re not ambitious; they’re just goal-oriented. They set goals and go for them.
It’s interesting to think about ambition and how for women it can be a double-standard topic. Sometimes we think it’s OK for men to be ambitious in careers, but we shuffle women off to motherhood and support-type roles (which then brings up a whole other topic in that it is OK to want to be a great mom, so lay off, you ambitious people).
The big lesson I took away though is that it’s OK to want something, but you have to be a little savvy about it. Maybe you aren’t so blatant about your goals in telling them to other people. Make sure you’re not doing something unethical or greedy. Don’t let your ambition be detrimental to others. Literary agent Joni Evans may have said it best: “Ambition can look very good on some women. If you find the world hates you for it, then sure, stop raising your hand in class–but be sure you get the A anyway.” Whether or not this is a good thing, I’m not sure, but it’s what I got out of the article.
It’s kind of funny that women have to deal with this–and some more than others. I mean, Madonna is a good example of an ambitious woman who’s incredibly successful. Maybe you just need to figure out how to make what you want happen, do it in a way that’s beneficial to others, and don’t worry about bad press.
What do you think about ambition?
“Maybe you just need to figure out how to make what you want happen, do it in a way that’s beneficial to others, and don’t worry about bad press.”
Wow. That resonates for me as the most important part of your musings…
I have some big ambitions… and …
as a woman, getting past the feeling “selfish”, that what I want to happen is all about me/my ego and seeing it as beneficial to others is a big perceptual shift.
And trying to please everyone, i.e. worrying about what they think or what bad press I might attract, stops me in my tracks.
Perhaps, bringing myself to the place of not worrying about bad press is tied to seeing what I want as ‘beneficial’ to others… or is that selling out from owning my ambition? or is it actually the truth – that my ambitions will indeed serve others?
Courage. Courage.
Thanks for your comment, Cheryl. Isn’t it amazing how women (and maybe to some extent men, but I really think this is a gender thing) are taught that their desires are selfish? It’s instinctive that we want to take care of people, but somewhere along the way we get guilt-tripped into believing that that means everyone else is more important.
After reading all of the success articles in this Oprah, I think there may be a way to change my thinking about what I consider success. I want to make a living as a published author writing the kinds of pieces I want to do. In my mind it still sounds kind of selfish to say, no, I don’t really want to do business communication/PR/straight journalism, so I’m not going to apply for those kinds of jobs. But I wouldn’t be true to myself if I did that kind of work, and even if I made a lot of money, I wouldn’t be happy.
Instead, I’m trying to think that I want to be more of an entertainer (or even a friend) with my writing–I want my writing to make you laugh and think and feel like, Oh, thank goodness there’s someone else who thinks this way!
In thinking that way, my work becomes more of a service to other people. I’m setting boundaries for myself, allowing me to do the kind of work I want to, yet if I’m selfish in that way, the success I want to achieve will help others. It’s a little tough to wrap my mind around it like that, but at least it’s comforting.
I’d love to hear about what you want to succeed in, Cheryl. Feel free to e-mail me (jilljaracz {at} yahoo {dot} com)–maybe we can support each other.