The three questions to Dr. Phil in the Success issue (Sept. 2001) are nice and general, so they can be applicable to almost anyone, but they all fall under the realm of you having to define “success” for yourself. I do hope there are other articles that talk about helping you define success because I’m kind of wallowing on this topic. Do I reach for the stars and want all sorts of publishing awards (i.e.–that would force me to write excellent work), or is that really some measure being forced on me? I don’t really know, and I’m confused about it. Yes, I want to publish books and essays at some point, but I don’t want to publish just anything in order to make a living. Does that make sense? I get the feeling that “you define success for yourself” is a panacea to someone who doesn’t want to be CEO or President or a rock star. They’re saying you can be successful in other areas because really, not everybody is going to be the CEO, but you can still have a rich and fulfilling life without being #1. I’m just afraid that I’ll start shooting too low and not be what I consider a success.
Interestingly enough, the third question to Dr. Phil runs a little along these same lines: “How can I stop sabotaging my own success?”
Dr. Phil responds that what may be holding the writer back are “limiting beliefs” and “comfort zone.” These two concepts can be related as well. The “limiting beliefs” are things you think about yourself that make you think you’re not worthy and that you shouldn’t succeed. You’ve forgotten that you are the only person who can put value on you. You’ve let others decide what you can/can’t do.
If you limit yourself long enough, you’ll fall into the “comfort zone,” where you just go about your daily routine, not stretching yourself and challenging yourself to do more. Because you’ve limited yourself, you don’t really think you can do better. It’s a vicious cycle.
Dr. Phil advises the reader to ask herself why she’s afraid of succeeding. Is it because she’s really afraid of failing? Or is she afraid of succeeding once, which means that expectations of her will be higher (and then maybe she’ll fail). He also says he believes “in requiring more of yourself. Program yourself for success by setting very specific goals that involve reaching only for those jobs, projects, and endeavors that utilize you and all your skills.”
This is useful for me because it helps me remember (not really realize–I know this stuff, but I think I constantly have to remind myself until it sinks in) that in order to have the kind of success I want, I have to focus on specific types of writing. I don’t want to be a person who makes a living from writing just anything–the Boy and I have worked it out so that I try to become the type of writer I want to be, and that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’ll make money at first. I think it means I’ll be rejected a lot. If I was focused on the money, I’d be doing whatever type of writing I could get my hands on–business communication, press releases, etc–and let’s face it, I’m not great at that type of writing, nor do I want to develop those skills.
So now that I have a little more focus about the type of success I want, I just have to press on and write a lot and send out a lot of well-written pieces, and maybe I’ll get there.
The other two questions in this column? Someone’s looking for a hero/role model and asks Dr. Phil for a suggestion. His short answer is pretty good: I can’t give you a name because I don’t really know what type of role model you’re looking for. You have to figure out who to look up to and pick a person based on your values and the types of goals you’ve set for yourself (and later he says that role models can be good inspiration, but your success is more up to you–I think this sentence is a bit short because I believe he’s trying to say not to put too much stock into other people and prop them up. Work on yourself). But, Dr. Phil does know some common characteristics of successful people:
- Specific goals
- Strategy–”They didn’t flounder about, trying first one thing and then another. They had well thought out step-by-step strategies for attaining success.” Gulp. I’m a flounderer. Big time. Have I thought out this project? Not very well, but I’m trying to make sure I finish it, which would be a major accomplishment in and of itself.
- Action–Make it happen!
- Self-management–Take care of yourself and don’t let others drag you down.
- Passion–Be excited about your goals.
- Support–Surround yourself with people who support your goals.
The second question is from somebody who wants to have it all: Job and family. But really, you’ve got to make choices–and if you put more effort into one, the other’s going to suffer a little bit. That’s the reality. So what you need to try to do is find balance–and be creative about that. If you need to work, look for a job that offers a little flexibility so you can still be with your family. If you need to work because you need the money, do you really need the money, or would the money give you the opportunity to buy more stuff at the expense of having a nurtured family? So Dr. Phil advises the writer to think creatively and find the balance that will work for her.
I found Dr. Phil’s column helpful. Do you have more advice about success?
