Instead of doing one O Interview this month, Oprah talks to four different women (”phenomenal women”) about self-esteem: Toni Morrison, Gloria Steinem, Christiane Amanpour, and Marion Jones. It’s interesting to have the four different takes–these women aren’t psychological experts, but they are successful, and being successful does take a bit of self-esteem. You’ve got to believe in yourself to do great things….well, and maybe take steroids.
[Oh, I know--Oprah had no clue that Marion Jones was using illegal substances, but after the way she lit into James Frey for stretching the truth in his memoir, Marion would be smart to stay far away from Oprah's show when she gets out of prison.]
Oprah picked these four women because she feels they are all women who are “in full possession” of themselves. They’ve figured out who they were meant to be and became that person–and they did so not getting bogged down in what other people thought of them. Let’s see what they all have to say about self-esteem.
Toni Morrison: She says she really can’t define self-esteem, but she does say she feels like nobody is the boss of her (and personally, I think that’s part of it. If you feel you have to measure up to someone else’s standards, then someone else is the boss of you, no?). Another good quote:
This is life–this is it. If you want to make it trifling, that’s a choice. That makes me sound glib, but life doesn’t come here in a little package marked HERE’S YOUR WORTHY LIFE. GO GET HAPPY. It comes with seom intricate, interesting work to be done. At some point between 6 and 13, you have to either wake up or put yourself to sleep. And everthing is designed to encourage spiritual and mental sleep. You shut down and start buying stuff.
Morrison comes across as kind of a tough love/don’t wallow in yourself person, and after reading the Constructive Living article, I’m a little inclined to be tougher on myself. OK, I get to wallow a short bit, but pick up and move on because I know I’m OK.
In regards to my feeling this project isn’t “as good” as Living Oprah’s (she’s living Oprah for 1 year), I can’t really think about that. And lately I haven’t been. I’ve been focused on making progress with this project, sending out queries for other articles I want to write, trying to meet people. And that makes me feel much better than curling up on my bed crying that LO got herself another radio interview.
What does Gloria Steinem have to say? She defines self-esteem as:
“valuing the self, but it’s also having a sense of self-authority. It’s not just a feeling; it’s also an ability–and nothing works without it. I find it useful to think of two kinds of self-esteem: One is core self-esteem, the feeling that you are a good person.” (this is basically how you were raised–did your parents love you and all that good stuff) “The other kind is situational self-esteem, which comes from comparing your skills to others’ skills and from being effective in the world. If you don’t have core self-esteem, you can get hooked on situational self-esteem as if it were a drug. But no amount of money or accomplishment is ever big enough because you are lacking at your core.”
So, Gloria, are you saying that if your folks didn’t love you enough when you were a kid, are you basically screwed out of half of your self-esteem as an adult? Because it really sounds like you can’t get that core self-esteem back once it’s gone, the way you’re explaining it.
Needless to say, I’m not liking what Steinem has to say. I’m woefully unknowledgeable about the women’s rights movement, especially in the 1970s. She starts to talk about having self-authority, and I can’t quite figure out how that’s different from self-esteem, but no matter how I read it, it sounds like you can get away with blaming someone else for your crappy life, rather than figure out how to make it better, giving yourself a better self-image.
Maybe reporter Christiane Amanpour has something good to say!
Actually, what I like about her is that here she sounds human, but can describe herself very concisely. She has fear, yet she tries to manage it so she can work. Oprah points out that most people don’t go into war zones the way she does, and Amanpour concedes that; however, she tries to stretch herself because you don’t really know what you’re capable of doing until you try. On self-esteem, she says:
It’s something that you grow up to recognize. I define it as knowing who I am, what I’m about, where I fit into the universe, and feeling comfortable and good about myself.
Nice and to the point. She also admits that she has low periods, just like anyone else, and she doubts herself sometimes, but that actually helps her “concentrate my mind and propel me in the direction that I knew I wanted to go.” Overall, an interesting and helpful thought.
So can Marion Jones add anything to this discussion? Not really. Not knowing what we know now. It’s ironic to read that she’s proud of the woman she’s become, and “I’m proud of the woman I am going to become.” What does she think of herself now? Did she really think like this back in 2001, or was she just acting? It’s really kind of sad.
Overall though, after reading this I feel a bit more grounded, more sure of myself. And with every article I read and every entry I write, I feel more sure of myself, who I am, and what I’m doing.
