I haven’t been around for a few days–I’m sorry for that. Part of it’s because I’m still trying to fit this project in with some everyday work. The other reason is that I’m still licking some wounds from being kicked to the curb (figuratively) by Dr. Phil.
In the self-esteem issue (March 2001), Dr. Phil takes on some questions about self-perception, a couple of which I could’ve written:
- What is this “self-esteem” that you speak of? I don’t understand what it is. I hate everything about myself, so how can I get some self-esteem? Dr. Phil liked this question–and I do too. It’s a nice basic one to get the ball rolling. Dr. Phil defines self-esteem as “the degree to which you assign worth to yourself. Other common words for this are self-confidence, self-acceptance, and self-assurance. Some people possess a high degree of these qualities and some people don’t.” Really, the amount of self-esteem you have is your call. Even though you may be influenced by experiences and people, how you think of yourself is up to you. It’s all in how you perceive yourself (and Dr. Phil notes that perception and reality aren’t the same thing). So if you think poorly of yourself, get over it–you’re unique and have value. Talking bad about yourself isn’t going to help. Dr. Phil also does say (and mad props for this) that if you have a negative self-perception, maybe there’s a reason for that. You’re not worthless–nobody’s worthless–but if you think you’re “lazy and selfish,” and it turns out to be true, uh, maybe you should fix that.
- I feel worthless because my parents pounded that thought into me, and even though I’m an adult, these thoughts still plague me. How can I stop feeling so worthless? “When you have negative thoughts about yourself, you are not responding to who you really are, you are responding to your perception of you. Change the perception and you will change your life. Sometimes we must give ourselves what we wish we had gotten from others, unfair as it may be.” That’s the short part of the answer–Dr. Phil talks about not perpetrating this behavior with the writer’s kids. At least Dr. Phil acknowledges that changing your self-perception can take some time. You have to keep at it though because eventually those better messages will sink in. This is good advice for me–I don’t have the greatest self-esteem at times, and I tend to beat myself up and talk myself out of doing a lot of writing/submitting because I feel like I’m not a good enough writer (or I don’t want to deal with the rejection of a totally awesome idea). If I can stop those negative thoughts from bubbling up, I can deal with this Living Oprah competition.
- Can you have too much self-esteem? Because I’ve got this friend who will not shut up about herself. Dr. Phil says if you’re really confident with yourself, you don’t feel the need to flaunt it. This is probably someone who feels inferior and feels the need to be superior to make herself feel better.
- My son’s got some drug/prison problems, and I’ve got a 14-yr-old daughter who’s got to deal with people being mean to her about this situation. What can I tell her? I thought this was an interesting question too…ah, the joys of taunting children. Why we have high school reunions to remind us of this, I’m not sure. Dr. Phil advises the writer to remind the daughter that she is not her brother, everybody makes choices, the brother made some bad choices, and now he’s facing the circumstances. Also tell the daughter that everyone goes through rough patches (don’t wish them on anyone), so she’s not alone. Finally, remind her that people probably aren’t talking about her as much as she thinks they are, so try not to obsess over what other people think about this situation.
Overall, some pretty interesting questions and decent advice. I’m feeling more worthy about myself already.
