Do You Envy Me?

It’s another article written to me:  Jill, you envying fool!  Well, OK, not really, but here’s another one that applies to what I sometimes feel is my pretty pathetic psyche.   Envy does you no good.

Yes, I have a problem with envy.  There are days where nothing is working–people can travel more, do more, be more, have more, than it seems I can.  And then I waste a bunch of time comparing myself to these people and make myself feel worse in the process.  By the time I’m done with the petty pity party, it’s time to go to bed, and I’ve done nothing to further myself in my goals.  Brilliant, eh?

This short article is quite helpful in helping me to quell the envy.  Writer Veronica Chambers explains that pretty much everyone envies someone or is the object of envy, and you shouldn’t pretend that we all don’t.  However, if you examine why you’re envious, you may learn more about what you want for your own life.  Thank goodness there’s a silver lining to this black cloud!

Chambers writes that envy is worse than jealousy because you feel that someone else has something that you deserve, and you start resenting that person and competing with her.  Envy is totally capable of trashing relationships in this way.  Your friend has success, and you feel threatened by it.

So how do you fix your envy?  Sometimes you just have to get past it because there are things you might be envious of, but you’ll never be able to change (your height, your eye color), so you have to learn how to get over it and get on with more positive thoughts.

You can also look at your envy and see what it’s telling you about yourself.  Do I envy someone because they’ve published more than I have?  Sometimes yes, but I’ve learned to start figuring out why I haven’t.  Here’s an example:   I love Jen Lancaster’s writing.  She’s a blogger, who’s managed to get published because of her blog.  Her third book is coming out soon (and I’m looking forward to reading it).  However, I tend to think I write just as well as she does, and I’m just as funny, so why don’t I have the readership and the  big book deals?  I should be putting in 10 hour days working on edits, thank you!

Well, um, after I think about the situation for a couple of seconds, I realize Jen has probably gotten where she has because she’s spent hours putting together solid book proposals and selling them.  And where are my book proposals?  Still figments of my imagination (and very small figments at that).  So that’s when I start thinking I need to get off my high horse and get to work.  If I actually worked harder, I’m sure I could get to where she is.

Chambers also writes that instead of being envious, you can try being generous.  I actually had a generous moment a few months ago, when my friend Carl got a really good job.  The amazing thing was that I was shocked that I didn’t feel my usual envy, which is both sad that I am so stinkin’ envious and good that I was getting out of the envy trap.  It’s hard to do, but I think as I move toward the life I want, it’s easier to be more generous and less envious.  And really, that’s the type of person I’d rather be.